this week i've had to talk three of my friends out of suicide..
that is more than i ever want to deal with again. everrrr.

it's hard to stay strong for everyone when i want to breakdown myself..

i need a hug ]:

 edit:

if you get anything out of this journal...it should be that suicide is not worth it.

it's been a long time since i actually took the time to write a whole journal on here, so i'll give it a shot again.

wow. what hasn't happened?
um....

told my boyfriend that i was in love with him.
believed his reply.
now, not so much.

daddy got married.
after he promised not to get married again.
i wasn't invited to the wedding.

i remembered why i hate summer vacation.
all i have is free time.
free time = more time to think.
more time to think = more breakdowns.


i log onto buzznet everyday,
but it feels like it's been ages since i've been on here.
haven't had more than 6 updates in the past month.

i get to go see green day live in august :]
my brother convinced weezer to play in salt lake city.
than they cancelled. :[

new playlist of the week:

1. the pretty reckless - blender
2. the fray - never say never
3. green day - 21 guns
4. dashboard confessional - reason to believe
5. augustana - lonely people

alright.
time to go take my anger out on something.

peace.

weird title. i know.

heres a quick update of whats happening:

i found out that i'm not very observant....but i am when i want to be....if that makes any sense.

um... i'm still going out with zack. in two weeks it'll be three months.

scary.

i honestly think i'm falling for him.

not good.

hence the "philophobic"

...found out that theatre guys are hot.

haha.

anywho... heres my playlist of the week:

1. kelsey and the chaos - wrapped around your fingers

2. the shins - phantom limb

3. the airborne toxic event - sometime around midnight

4. the sleeping - you'll be a corpse before your time

5. snow patrol - run

6. the black ghosts - full moon

7. iron and whine - flightless bird, american mouth

my dad bought a house.

we moved into that house.

zack and i have been going out for 2 months.

i got zack grounded for 1 month.

my boyfriend's mom desispes me.

foreign language fairs are not any fun.

i love my house.

i hate riding the bus to school.

i love living next to the park.

going to start playing tennis again.

sckylar gave an old man heart failure when she tripped over him.

passed my oral german test.

failed 4 other tests.

my photography is going to be featured in the school anthology and district art show.

really want to go see the last house on the left.

going to laughter struck instead.

i finished a whole mega unit worth of AP biology assignments in 4 hours.

i hate being able to change my display name on buzznet.

i've been sleep deprived.

my cat will not shut up.

i have "3-D paint" in my room.

i suck at playing pool.

i use to many hand gestures to describe things.

i ripped my favorite pair of jeans climbing up a slide today.

don't ask why i was climbing up a slide today.

tomorrows friday.

and....i'm pretty sure thats just half of it.

haha.

i really don't like thsi change your display name thing.

i don't know who anyone is anymore.

and that was one of the things i liked most about buzznet...originality.

anyone else in this situation?

xox the original ChemQueen.

okay...

on the last day of school i was hanging out with my friend zack ((current boyfriend :])) well... he said something like "hey look it's 11:11"

ever since that day, every single time i look at a clock it's been something like 5:55, 3:33, 1:11,...you get the point.

well last night we were at his dance at his school and he was walking me outside and i looked at the time and it was 11:11.

and for some strange reason, today when i look at the clock it hasn't been any of those times.

weird much?

haha. it's kind of cute. lol.

after running the mile today i was coughing up blood.

it feels like i have asthma. but i know for a fact that i don't.

ugh. i just googled it.

bronchitis?

really?

lovely.

10. the medic droid - fer sure

9. miley cyrus - these four walls (yeah, i know,....miley? really?. yeah. i like the song.)

8. stacy wilde - lie to me

7. apocalyptica - i don't care

6. the millionaires - talk shit

5. 3oh!3 - don't trust me

4. blue sky black death - honestly

3. windupdeads - reverse of shades

2. leighton meester - bette davis eyes

1. soho dolls - stripper

not a huge variety. but thes are the songs i've been listening to non-stop all week.

soho dolls = amazing.

whats your playlist of the week?

but i just got back from my boyfriend's party at his house.

haha. it wasn't a big party...actually more like a kick back. ((yeah i just quoted 8 simple rules)), only 10 people besides zack i've only seen one of those guys at my school once in my entire life.

can i just say that i don't fall for guys. but seriously....zack is sooo worth tripping over. he's the sweetest guy i've ever met.

okay enough about me and my amazing night.

how was your week?

any good unsigned bands in your state?

god. today is good. my friends love me again, my best friend and i are closer than ever, my mom is in michigan for the weekend, my dad is at our house for the first time since september and i was yelled at by my boyfriend's mom to "seperate" from zack.

haha.

p.s. thanks for the picture comments. you guys are amazing. :D

god i hope the new year is as good as it is right now :]

i don't have a new years resolution yet...

any ideas?